Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
