I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
