We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
