There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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