i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
please come you make the beer taste better
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
