some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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