Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
