I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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