So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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