I'm going to jail i love you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
