guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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