I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
