oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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