just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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