I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
