LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
