I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
