All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
