So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
