Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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