Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
