She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
