I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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