There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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