The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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