The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it was like eating out sand paper
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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