hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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