I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
