my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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