He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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