Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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