apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize