I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize