Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
