you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
