Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
