oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
