Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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