did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can tuck mytits in my pants
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
