Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
