You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
high people should be assigned attendants
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
