When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
