He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
