I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
