woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize