I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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