U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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