Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
