I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
