Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
