I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
