she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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