Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
