im drinking this country out of the recession.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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