Banned from zoo.
Again?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
