So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
