i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
should my penis look like a turkey
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
