I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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