Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
