Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
