I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
