OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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