I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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