I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
