Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
