my mouth tastes like poor choices
Someone shit on the floor
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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