Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My feet surprised me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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