im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
