you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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