What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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