And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
