so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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