This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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