All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
