We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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