Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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