its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
